Friday, June 1, 2012

Me, right now.

This writing prompt is such a great exercise for me.  An opportunity to check-in.  What’s happening with me right now?  A good place to start is with a list of 10 things.  And, rather than letting my response marinate too long, I want to see the truth that comes from first thought.

I’m 35 years old.

My favorite part of the day is... morning.

Right now, I’m loving… my new found workout regimen, Crossfit.

I’m longing for… how life would change if I could find more ways to simplify.

I am inspired by… people who are great at doing what they love.

I am dreaming of… a week’s vacation to somewhere warm, with my husband.

I really need to learn… how to meditate.

I’m navigating through… what I want my life to look like now that I’m done having babies and more time will continue opening up for me.

I’ve been struggling with…over thinking, over doing, over trying.

Right now… I know and understand where I want to see change in my life.

Wow, that was powerful. The hardest part of this exercise was to commit to my answer; to avoid altering my initial response after seeing it in writing. 

What stands out to me the most is the paradox between what I am struggling with and what I long for.  After recognizing that I struggle with overdoing it all, yet I long for things to be simpler; I’d love to figure out the little things I can adjust to make change. 

While there are many things out of my control, I do believe there are areas I can trim away to begin this process of simplifying.  I feel like my entire adult life has been about everything being so big.  Big goals, big risk, big accomplishment.  Yes, with few regrets, I am proud of who I am and what I’ve achieved at 35 years old.  But, on the other side of that is wondering what I haven’t noticed, what I’ve missed by going hard in one direction. 
We can “what if” ourselves to death and I’m not going to do that.  What I will do is work on slowing myself down often enough to pay more attention.  Whether they are words spoken, emotional energy, thoughts, or material possessions; I know I can gain more with less.


I often think I over text message, this is mostly how I communicate throughout the day with my family and friends.  I appreciate the convenience of quick dialogue via text messaging; however, I’m afraid it deters me from picking up the phone to have a more meaningful conversation every now and then.  And, of course, the ease of texting increases the opportunity for dialogue so it’s constant and distracting. 

The days I’m at work, I spend a majority of my time engaging in face to face conversation.   After a full day at the office, I find myself exhausted from the constant dialogue.  The older I get, the less social I’ve become.
In general, I would say I definitely talk more than I listen.  I’ve always been challenged with quieting my thoughts enough to really listen and be present.  I’m always working on this.    

One of my greatest motivations for going back to work was to have more conversation with grown-ups.  While I love the words I exchange with my children, I find myself needing more on a daily basis.  In the most ironic way, my kids oversimplify conversation while at the same time pressure hangs on my every word.  They are constantly listening and learning from me.