Seek the Small Win.

I’ve been thinking a lot about progress and what it means to move in the direction of the goals we set out to accomplish in life.  Our professional career, success inside challenge we face with our kids, our relationships, the physical goals we set for ourselves, whatever it is—professional or personal--how do we do it, how do we get to where we are going? 

The big breakthrough or opportunity for grandeur forward motion can feel like luck and timing, which isn’t always on our side.   Getting to where we want to go doesn’t always come easy.  When we get stuck, what motivates us to get back on track and continue striving?  How do we move forward and stay inspired?  I think it’s in seeking and celebrating small wins.  Starting first with what comes easy.  

What if we started giving ourselves some credit and acknowledgement for the everyday, consistent things we are already doing well?  Regardless of the day or season in life, small wins are in there somewhere.  Taking a shower to get your day started, making your bed in the morning, staying caught up on returning calls and emails at work, showing up early for an appointment, making dinner when you really want takeout, whatever comes most easy to you in this moment.  Start with celebrating in these little spaces you might be overlooking because it’s not the big win or end goal.  This is the place of intention, the middle, where a lot of our work often goes unnoticed.   
  
Little wins create an opening for motivation and progress.  A place where upward, forward motion already exists. 

We ought to be easier on ourselves, give a little grace and space from our lofty dreams and goals.  When we stop for a moment and take notice of what is working and where we are showing-up, we find an opportunity to regain momentum.  I believe our greatest motivation to keep striving comes in celebration of these little everyday decisions we’re making along the way.  Seek to celebrate and take the small win.  You’ve earned it and it’s quite possibly the beginning of something bigger ahead. 

40 Things

40 things over 40 years that stay with me and matter most right now.

For Ava + Carson

Choose courage over comfort.

Your ability to be resilient changes everything.

Live and love with the long-term perspective in mind.

Humility is rare and beautiful.

Make self-care a priority.

Forgiveness will set you free.

Self-compassion first.

Find the humor in everything.

Be flexible.

Make time to do the things you love.

There’s freedom on the other side of acceptance.

Focus on strengthening your top two strengths, not on where you are weak.

Quality of life is determined by the quality of your questions (Tony Robbins).

Go outside more often.

Call your mom.

Energy is contagious, spread the good kind.

Ask for help, you weren’t designed to do it alone.

More heart, less hustle.

You can’t take others where you aren’t willing to go yourself.

Listen to understand + listen more than you speak.

Plan for a day with pj’s, coffee, a good book, and bad food.

Learn to enjoy your own company.

Move and care for your body, it will determine the capability of your mind.

Traditions are treasures, protect them.

Those you spend the most time with will have the greatest influence on your life, choose wisely.

Read often.  Be a teacher and a student, we never stop learning.

Dance. Dance. Dance.  You can never be too old or too cool.

Pause to praise people.

Surround yourself with people who are smarter than you.

Nothing is worth closing your heart over, ever.

You'll never be alone, Jesus goes with you.

Ambiguity is often perceived negatively, take time to create clarity.

We become what we repeatedly do (Stephen Covey). Be mindful of your habits.

Invest in comfortable, good quality pajamas.

Create and make stuff.

Give people what they need, not what they deserve.

You can do anything you want, just not all at once.

Time has a way of changing things, stay open.

There is wisdom in both the experienced and beginner perspective.

Motherhood (parenthood) will change who you want to be in this world, lean in for the adventure and discovery.

Feels Like Fall.

Cool mornings and short evenings, I love this time of year.  The season of new schedules and new routines are welcomed structure in our house.  September marks the final stretch of the year and inspires me to reset and evaluate personal and family goals.  The realities of real life also remind me of the importance of being flexible and open, contrary to my own timeline. 

I love the perspective of Dallas Clayton, an artist, author and illustrator of children’s books.

The beginning is often the most inspiring.  The beginning of a new season, new school year, new challenge, new adventure, they all bring similar energy.  They invite fresh and new opportunity. 

And then there’s the middle, where most of life happens.  It’s easy to remain optimistic in the beginning and possess inspiring hindsight wisdom near the end but it's in the mess of the middle where we find our real work.

We are working on all sorts of things around here these days. Right now, the middle for us is found in bedtime routine, nighttime habits (staying in our own bed) and potty charts.  They consume much of our energy and discussion as we navigate the tough conversation around what is and what is not working.

As we celebrate the big and little progress along the way, I’m mindful of the temporary nature of this season in life and how precious time is.  I’m learning to embrace it more.

One of our family goals this Fall is to work on our evening time together.  A piece of this includes being more intentional about the time we spend on our phones or in front of a screen in the evening.  This is a tough one for all of us.  I’m appreciating the extra time it has allowed for us to be together and transition more smoothly at bedtime. 

When we have the right mindset, a support system for growth, and grace for ourselves in the process, we have greater opportunity to learn something that will make the difference.  SO much easier said than done.  It's hard work with a lot of intention and resilience when things get tough.

How are we pushing ourselves to learn from other people who inspire us to live better? I believe opportunity is greatly influenced by who we surround ourselves with for support and inspiration.  This year, I’ve been thinking a lot about my life curriculum and what I’m choosing in books, podcasts, and face-to-face interaction with people who inspire me. There are so many options available when we allow time for it, some of my favorite books and podcasts right now are:

Books- The Slight Edge, by Jeff Olsen, Mindset, by Carol Dweck, Rising Strong, by Brene Brown.  Podcasts (seriously addicted these days)- Ted Radio Hour, Good Life Project, The Charged Life with Brendon Burchard, Raise Your Hand Say Yes with Tiffany Han, and The Simple Show. 

Whether you are starting something new and exciting or find yourself in the messy middle of it all, you are not alone.  I’d love to hear about what’s inspiring you these days.

Words.

I’ve been thinking a lot about words lately.  The impact of when we speak too much, too soon, too little, too late or not at all and the significance of the words we choose to communicate our message.  Words are guided and influenced by our thoughts, what we say in the quiet of our own mind and through the words we speak out loud.

Our kids offer us a lesson in how they value a message.  Have you noticed the way they engage and soak up everything, even when we think they aren’t listening or when we hope they are only taking away the good parts?  No pressure.  As they filter through the meaning and how it fits in their understanding of the world around them, they hold us accountable, they let us know how we are doing.  They learn from how we talk to them, each other and ourselves.  I’ve noticed how much they are impacted and influenced by each and every word in the literal interpretation and undertone of each message.  The words we choose and how we phrase them dramatically alters what will happen next, leaving little room for undoing.  And boy, they always remember--did I really say that?

I suppose an emphasis on words is inevitable parenting small children—the constant correction and redirection that goes on. The words I use when I am disciplining and/or encouraging my kids doesn’t always get the credit they deserve. And then there’s the absence of words I choose not to say or share with them in the moment or those times when I hear myself in them (not always my favorite).  The reality is, what we mean to communicate isn’t always the message that gets delivered.

There’s an ongoing struggle with constant distraction of over messaging that pulls us away from the very things we want most, to connect, understand and be understood in a meaningful way. It makes it difficult to be concise and deliver clarity in our message with one another amongst all the noise.

In October, I did a challenge with my staff.  The challenge was to successfully complete two handwritten notes a day to someone in their life.  It could be a coworker, a significant other, a friend, family, anyone, the message had to be handwritten in a note.  Nearly everyone was successful so it was fun to reflect on the experience as a group.  I was inspired by the testimonies of how impactful the exercise was for not only the recipients of the cards but for the authors of those who shared their encouraging words with others.    For such a small, simple, five-minute daily task, the reward was enormous.

This November, I’m suggesting a slightly different challenge. Sharing gratitude through the language and words we speak to one another.  A daily commitment to verbally connect and share gratitude with at least two people we engage with in our life.  I think giving and receiving words that are complimentary and encouraging can sometimes be difficult but I also believe the impact is powerful and influential. 

What you focus on expands, is something we say a lot around here.  I believe when we intentionally nourish our minds with healthy and wholesome thoughts and ideas, it begins to outweigh the distraction of the other garbage around us.  

Carefully selecting the words we verbalize in the moment requires more control over our thoughts and a silencing of the noise and distraction around us; this is no small feat.  It takes practice.  There is so much more we can do in the way of connecting and better communicating what we really mean when we begin thinking more about our words.

Built Here.

In my favorite picture (which I still can't find) I’m standing on dirt at the far southwest corner of what someday would be our basement in the home we built for our family.  It’s game day and the yellow Oregon Duck shirt that's nearly too small is pulling tightly against my growing belly.  My arms are stretched wide and I’m wearing the confident grin of someone with big plans. You can see the excitement and anticipation on my face.   It also happened to be the day I felt Ava move inside me for the first time.  I would have never predicted the significance of this day to me now. This was the first of many beginnings for us in this place; we have all grown up here.

First days of life, including first steps, first words and first birthdays.  So much that is good from the life we’ve built took place in the home we sold this Spring.  BBQ’s, birthdays, baby showers, and anniversaries, there are so many memories of gathering with family and friends. We grew up in the country so building our family home on 5 acres outside of town was a dream for both of us.  I am grateful to have lived this dream for the past eight years. The best of what we built here was going with us.

In May, we moved from the country to a neighborhood in town.  Choosing to downsize was the right decision for our family and through the myriad of emotion, we continue to learn more about each other and ourselves as we get adjusted. Big change brings on opportunity for growth and new beginnings.

I’m learning that when we make choices with a long-term perspective, sometimes we experience short-term discomfort. This is all part of the process.

I’m learning to trust this discomfort as temporary transition and part of the story. 

I’m learning to love the whole story, even the unplanned parts.

I’m learning that when we recognize what was once important to us is no longer and adjust accordingly, it’s a game changer.

I’m learning that the freedom of time to travel and be together matters most to me right now.

There was resistance from me at first to keep it real, for myself, for the kids. Resistance to experiencing all of the emotion. 

I’m learning that as parents we do this, we protect them from feeling sadness and disappointment because we don’t want to fail them.   I think we protect ourselves from this too. 

I’m learning that they need permission and time to adjust and this doesn’t much differ from what we need too.     

In Ava’s last few weeks of school, amid the packing and unpacking, we decided to hold off on breaking the news that she wouldn’t be returning to the kids she’d gone to school with since she was three.  It felt like too much for her, for all of us.

This unspoken knowledge between us likely contributed to many difficult days and nights we experienced in the new house.  She knew all along what was coming and was waiting for us to share it with her.  The fresh glaring lime green paint on her bedroom walls speak of my motivation to make everything better than her old room.  It didn’t work.  Not for her and not for me. 

Two nights before the last day at her old school felt like breaking point for us.  Desperate to interrupt the painful pattern of evening routine, I threw out my entire plan and told her everything.  As I crawled in bed with her to say goodnight, I began asking her about what she missed most from living in our old house.  It felt wreck less and weak in the moment but for the first time in weeks I felt her soften and open to me.  I listened to her as she described in finite detail, all of the things she missed most about the comfort of her old room. We sat in the sadness of the old and familiar together and I shared what I was missing most too.  For the first time in weeks I felt like we understood each other.

I’m learning that when we come as we are, it levels the playing field. 

I’m learning that we want more than they need.

We began building something new together that night.  We talked about going to a new school, making new friends, living in a new house and all that is scary and exciting about the unknown.

Neighbors to play with, a short walk to school and the park, family bike rides, so many new adventures for us to experience.  We began making plans on how we were going to build a new home for ourselves here.  

Love Notes.

There are few things that feel better than receiving a thoughtful, personal, handwritten note.  Love notes are big around here in our home.  I started thinking about all of the places where notes show up and what they mean to me. 

Welcome home notes Ava leaves around the house, when we arrive home from a trip out of town.

A love note written on Ava’s lunch napkin, I leave as a surprise for her every day.

Notes of thanks I send to the people I appreciate in my professional life.

Daily detailed notes exchanged between Becky (our nanny) and me about the kids.  I love these notes as it helps me feel connected to the little things that go on each day when I’m not around.  Everything from what Carson had for lunch to the smile on his face when he discovered how to use the brakes on his bike.

The ongoing journal of notes Matt and I have exchanged between us over the past fourteen years.  On our first anniversary of marriage we started a journal together, a place for us to exchange thoughts of gratitude to one another.

What I love most is there has never been any rules or expectations, no pressure.  Whoever has the journal last is expected to pass it on when they feel like it.  I love the surprise of a note showing up in the most unlikely place when I least expect it. 

This month, leading up to Valentine’s Day, our family shared 14 days of what we love most. It was fun to learn what is most important to each of us, right now.  

One of the reasons I love sharing notes is that they become a record, they linger.  They tell us the story of a snapshot in time.  Notes are often read in the private and quiet space of our mind where they can resonate more deeply than spoken dialogue. A note is something we can remember and revisit when we really need it.  I often keep the best ones for the times I need them most.

Notes can be the quiet strength we draw from while preparing to respond.  In the midst of challenge, sometimes rereading notes of the past can bring light to a lost perspective. 

I will continue writing love notes to my kids because if there is any light I can leave on for them in this world, maybe this is it.

Quiet

The one thing that you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision.  So write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can. 

 –Neil Gailman

I start every year with a new word, a word that best describes my intentions and hopes for the year in front of me. This year, I choose quiet.

More quiet means recognizing intuition, being awake in the present moment and doing less with more focus. In a place where there is more quiet, there is less worry, noise and distraction.

Anyone who knows me well understands how difficult quiet is for me. My default involves a lot of talking, planning, what-if and worrying. Being still to recognize what quiet looks and feels like is and will be a challenge for me this year.

Last night as I was lying with Carson, I was reminded of what quiet feels like.

Quiet is: 
Not checking my cell phone for the next distraction 
An early morning, quiet drive to the gym 
An early morning cup of coffee before everyone wakes 
Making time to write 
Turning the radio off to drive in silence instead 
Taking the long route home listening to music instead of the TV 
Walks on the beach 
Reading 
Curling up on the couch with a blanket in front of the fire 
Going for a walk instead of a run 
Thursday dinner date night with Matt 
Listening to Ava read 
Saturday with no agenda 
Spending time outdoors 
Watching them play 
Laying next to them as they fall asleep 

In discovery of my word for this year, I tried something new and took time to write a vision statement. This activity involved jotting down simple notes of what I want and need, spending some time writing and reworking before it felt right.

As I spend less time worrying, I create the quiet space in life that allows me to be present and confident that in this moment, I am exactly where I should be.

Vision creates energy. It must be exciting, present tense, and live in our dominant self-conscious. A vision statement is reflective of what we need, a guide that leads us.

Where are you going this year?

Parenting and Leadership

As I navigate through my professional and parenting journey, I find myself relying on some of the same guiding principles. 

Humility I question everything.  Once I think I’ve got it (them) all figured out, everything changes.  They keep me humble.

Humility is my favorite trait in a person.  Humility is showing up as the student, regardless of whom you are or the title you hold. It’s the ability to check your ego at the door and have the courage to learn something new.  It’s being open to a new way of doing things differently from the way they’ve always been done.  Humility is sharing what we know for the betterment of the people around us.  It’s celebrating someone else’s accomplishment in our defeat. And sometimes, it’s deliberately leaning from the spotlight so someone else can shine.

Authenticity They see and hear everything.  They are building perspective and opinions of the world around them.  Keep it real and be transparent; authenticity builds trust.

Intention matters.  When we are authentic, we best communicate our intentions. I recognize authenticity in the admission of not having the answer.  When we can be on the same side of the table with people this way, there is less opportunity for misinterpretation and/or misunderstanding. Transparency communicates that we are trustworthy.  When we are authentic with others, and ourselves, we can more clearly communicate what we want and what we need. Being authentic sometimes means saying sorry or admitting when we are wrong (which goes a long way). Authenticity closes the gap between true connection and understanding of each other.

Listen to learn Be present and awake for all of it.

 

The real message is often discovered somewhere in between the chatter of the head and mouth.  When we listen first to understand and second to respond, we create the space we need for awareness of new information.

Endurance We are in this for the long haul.

 

I find endurance in those with a capacity and initiative for that extra push, especially when they stand-alone doing it.  Endurance is an unwillingness to walk away when things get difficult. It’s a commitment to being the consistent, predictable constant for those seeking assurance and direction under your leadership.  Endurance creates an opening for us to get uncomfortable, and in this place we find a fierce will to keep going.

Be decisive and create clarity They expect clarity and consistency; we teach them anything different.

Leaders have the courage to make the unpopular decisions once in awhile. The intent to continue earning respect from those they lead accompanies the decisions they make.  This goes back to confidence in the choices we make, both big and little.  They are all connected and deliver accordingly. 

Keep it fun and maintain perspective Being able to laugh at life really does make it better.  Perspective reminds us that someday, much of this stuff will seem very small in comparison.

I notice those who are able to maintain perspective in the thick of it all are the ones who have control over their reaction to the unexpected; they don’t get stuck in the muddy places in between.  They are able to keep distance between the present moment and the big-picture hopes and plans of the future. 

There are unknown adventures, experiences, and challenges that will change me in the years ahead. This list represents what I’m noticing right now.  

Life on the Road.

We bought our RV about a year ago and it has been awesome. Our shared goal this year is to spend more time together as a family and with the various road trips we’ve already taken, we are making it happen.  RV camping isn’t exactly roughing it but with small kids and a busy schedule, it works for us.

Some of my earliest childhood memories include camping with family.  Our time together was filled with playing make believe games around the campground, riding bikes, playing board games (Yahtzee was a favorite), and stories around the campfire.  A couple regular spots we visited growing up include Honeyman Memorial State Park in Florence, Oregon and Loon Lake Campground near Reedsport, Oregon.  I want to give them the same experience.

I love to travel and be on the road.  Experiencing the quiet and beauty of the outdoors has been good for all of us.

I love that it's something we all like to do, together.

I love that it's one of the few activities we use to do when we were their age.

I love all the anticipation and preparation it takes getting ready to sit and do nothing.  Mostly I love the doing nothing part.

I love the look on their faces as we pull out of the driveway in route to our next adventure. Each time, they are as excited as the first.

For as little as I enjoy grocery shopping, I love stocking up for a camping trip. My grocery cart always ends up fuller than planned.

I love (and so do they) that it has become a tradition to buy mini boxes of sugary cereal before every road trip.

I love the trashy celebrity gossip magazines I bring along on these trips.

I love the many hours of travel that allow Matt and I to catch up and dream about our next adventure together.

I love the moments we sit in silence because there is nothing left to say, idling with no agenda.

I love naps on the road. While Matt drives, we often nap. It's the only time I can get them both cuddled up next to me, asleep. It's the best.

I love the exploratory first hour after arriving at our destination. Usually it involves bikes.

I love the absence of the expectation to be busy and productive. At the best places, our phones don’t even work.

I love the ease and simplicity of meal preparation.

I love breakfast time when we camp, it’s the slowest part of our day.

I love my hot cup of coffee in the morning.  Camping coffee just tastes better.

I love that there's no hair, makeup and sometimes no shower.

I love the camping journal we use to record the details of each trip so we can remember the good spots to revisit.

I love having everything we need in one place.

I love an evening glass of wine (and sometimes afternoon) with Matt while the kids ride their bikes and play.

I love that the first and last sounds of the day come from them. It’s the only time we all sleep late, there’s something about being so close to one another.

What I love most is the amount of time we spend outside. The stillness of the outdoors allows time to pass more slowly and patterns get interrupted. When we pull away from our routine, it quiets the distraction of everyday life.

What they love most:
Matt loves having our family in close proximity to one another.

Ava loves time around the campfire, especially the s'mores.

Carson loves going bye-bye.

Ava's Bucket List

Ava shared her bucket list with us today.

I am inspired.  Here’s what I notice:

She is intentional.

She takes the time to write it down and posts it on the wall in the kitchen where she can be reminded every day.  

She is committed.

It doesn’t take her long to complete (15 minutes or so).  Once her pen hits the paper, she goes for it.

She is clear.

As I watch her write, she makes each addition with confidence and clarity.

She is specific.

The details are calculated and measured.

She is fearless.

From acquiring 1,000 stickers to becoming the Easter bunny, she sets no limits.

And then she wants to see mine. My bucket list includes a few messy notes here and there; I had nothing to show her.  I have work to do.    

As a parent, it’s easy to spend more time telling than listening.  In this moment, I was listening, I was learning.  As Ava shared her bucket list with me, I felt something happen between us.  I had a glance at what is important to her right now. I felt more connected to her. I understand more clearly where she is and where she wants to go.  I realize I don’t engage in this way with her often enough.   

Big and small, everything is invited to make the list.  A bucket list provides clarity, motivation and focus.  It allows us to participate with intention through activities and challenges in life we desire and choose.